News
Warren Buffett: Be Like Flea
Jun 26th
In a letter written in liquified gold ink on the back of the Dead Sea Scrolls, Warren Buffett yesterday pledged billions of dollars to charity in stock donations from his personal fortune. Buffett has long been lionized as an investment guru, having amassed a personal fortune worth $44 billion through decades of shrewd market moves. That titanic sum will now be distributed annually, with 5 percent of his Berkshire Hathaway stock donated to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation each year. Based on current stock value, next month’s gift of 500,000 shares should be worth more than $1.5 billion.
The weekend announcement came as something of a surprise, partly because most Americans had no idea that people accumulated wealth other than going to ATM machines. It was also assumed that the world’s 2nd-richest man would disperse his wealth posthumously, rather than dump his portfolio into the 1st-richest man’s lap. This unexpected generosity has generated speculation about Buffett’s newfound motivation for charity. But one need look no further than his letter to the Gates Foundation.
Working through the foundation, both of you have applied truly unusual intelligence, energy and heart to improving the lives of millions of fellow humans who have not been as lucky as the three of us. You have done this without regard to color, gender, religion or geography. I am delighted to add to the resources with which you carry on this work. How come everybody wanna keep it like the kaiser?
This last line has received a great deal of attention for its non-CEO vernacular, and seems to confirm that Buffett’s charitable conversion is at least partially related to a newfound appreciation of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Buffett himself seemed to lend credence to this theory during the post-announcement press conference when he was overheard murmering “what I got you got to get and put it in you” several times in succession. Melinda Gates appeared noticably shaken at the riff, but Bill laughed it off as an old Nebraskan aphorism akin to yelling “soo-ey” at pigs.
The Chili Pepper-Buffett connection would appear extremely improbable were it not for the billionaire’s other bizarre characteristics, such as voting Democratic and maintaining modest living standards. Berkshire Hathaway has declined any comment regarding the stock donation, clearly wishing to avoid the Chili Peppers issue.
johnny law lays low
Feb 11th
Yesterday I had my first encounter with the the Austin Police Department’s new stealth cars. I had heard about them, but never seen them on the road. Of course, maybe I HAD seen one, but it was too stealthy to be recognized. *shivver*
The undercopper pulled someone over a quarter mile ahead of me, which was fortunate given my 80mph clip. At first, I couldn’t tell where the flashing lights were coming from, but then I saw that they were emanating from inside this jet black cruiser. I blew by pretty quickly, but I think it was just your typical Ford Crown Vic police unit decked out with a Mother’s Tint and Interior Lighting special.
Frankly, I’m not sure how “stealthy” these cars are. I usually slow down whenever I see any white, black, or champaign Crown Vic, because it’s either a cop or an elderly driver. Either way, it’s safest to take note and watch your ass.
Downer Ballot
Nov 7th
Posted by wae in News
2 comments
It’s election day, so I’ve had one eye on the election coverage to see if W. gets the mid-term smackdown he has coming. Somewhat belatedly, I just finished Richard Clarke’s 9/11 tell-all “Against All Enemies,” sufficiently frothing my ire to vote against those who would sell a failed personal vendetta as successful counter-terrorism policy.
For better or worse, Lloyd Doggett has been un-re-gerrymandered back into my district (or is that vice versa?). Upside: I get to vote for a solid Dem that I like. Downside: No real Congressional protest vote for me. The best I could do was pee in Kay Bailey’s breezy sashay back to another Senate term.
Perhaps I’ll take some solace in the fact that my Governor will be elected with over half of the votes going against him. But it’s no real comfort to know that those anti-Perry votes either went to a bland sacrificial Democrat, a tactless and content-free independent, or a woman who changes her name and party affiliation more often than her hairstyle.
Otherwise, voting was little more than an excuse to spin the “hi-tech” dial across a slate of unchallenged judges and dubious bond propositions. A reminder, if ever one was needed, what a fragile
shamconstruct our hyper-segmented form of democracy truly is. I hardly think that a litany of unopposed races and ballot initiatives shielded behind trite marketing slogans matches the Founders’ vision of representative democracy.If my vote is my voice, today’s response to six years of deception and mediocrity should have been a scream of outrage blasted in the face of the crooked and complacent. But all they got was a hushed “you suck,” mumbled under my breath.
Update: At least some other parts of the country had the option to voice their dissent. Democracy does indeed require a perspective beyond your own ballot.